38 Rules From a 38 Year Old

  1. Speculation is a foolish waste of time.
  2. Theorizing is different from speculation, one is attempting to explain reality with finite information, the other is attempting to predict the future. Ignore any predictions of the future.
  3. If something sounds ridiculous, there is a high probability that it is a joke or not to be taken seriously.
  4. People don’t understand things nearly as well as they’d like to think. And neither do you.
  5. Love is not effortless, it requires taking action, if you struggle to take action, you will struggle to love.
  6. You may never see your best friends again.
  7. Don’t listen to people who don’t prove, or at least make an honest effort to attempt to prove, their opinions or facts they claim.
  8. Block, mute, and ban people liberally.
  9. Ignore anything young people talk about unless they are unusually brilliant or experienced.
  10. Now that you’re older and have real problems, no one truly cares, they expect you to deal with it yourself.
  11. Internet people don’t have in mind what’s best for you, they want to make money.
  12. Except for a few rare exceptions, everyone you meet is on the same basic level as you. They are working, they are earning money, some more than you, some less, some make more than you but also spend more, some make less than you but save more than you. Everyone is trying to be in shape, or stay in shape, or get in shape, but we are all pretty much doing what we can to get through life. The truth in this is to stop assuming people are beneath you or above you based on petty little things. I may read a lot more than other people do, but I don’t think this puts me on some abstract better level than them.
  13. Success is surviving. Money or getting lots of sex is a luxury, not success. Being able to live and keep living and not suffering greatly is what actual success looks like. If someone tries to make you feel unsuccessful because you aren’t rich enough, they are selling you a feeling to get you to do something they want.
  14. You should be able to enjoy things again. For example, through my 20s and early 30s I couldn’t enjoy movies, video games, or outings with people because I was thought they were all a waste of time, but now that I’m older, I realize that they can be good forms of self-care if done in moderation.
  15. Gluttony is self-punishing and you really start to feel it.
  16. You should only look slightly older than your 20s self.
  17. Your body is a lot stronger and more resilient than you think or give it credit for.
  18. You stop caring about (if you ever did) the plight of single, childless people who have all the time in the world to do whatever they want.
  19. You have real experience now and your opinion matters because you’ve been an adult for as long as young people have been alive (and for this reason give more respect to those older than you). At 38 I’ve had a best friend die, I’m married and have a child, my spouse had an affair, I’ve been so broke I had to sell my second car to pay the mortgage and scrounged around the house for loose change to buy groceries, I’ve immigrated and emigrated and did all the paperwork myself, I’ve made a few (failed) businesses, I’ve had to take my child to the hospital and stay there until morning, I’ve dealt with months of sleep deprivation when my child was a baby, I’ve dealt with acne until my mid-30s, I’ve dealt with disfigurement and feelings of inceldom, I’ve been in shape and out of shape, I’ve held a dozen different jobs, and so on and so forth. At 38 you’ve been around the block, it means something, even if you aren’t as “successful” as internet hustlers say you should be.
  20. Religion shows its importance. People simply aren’t virtuous enough to create a shiny, sexy, secular future like in Star Trek. There is something to be said for the watcher who keeps people somewhat in line, although not always. Look at how much our society appears to have fallen, what could possibly bring it up to a higher level of civilization again? People are also atomized and isolated, becoming depressed and losing hope. They would feel less that way in a community.
  21. You realize life can go backwards. As a young person everything seems to get better, there is always hope things can improve, but when you are older you know things don’t always get better, in fact, they can come crashing down in an instant.
  22. You will never feel terror like you do when your child falls dangerously ill or injures themselves. I never knew what real terror was until my daughter unexpectedly launched herself face first into the corner of a wood dresser. I thought she put a hole in her forehead and I panicked the entire way to the hospital. This is partly why I don’t care about the fears of childless people. They’ve chosen the easy way in life and only have themselves to look after. Life is a different ballgame when you have a kid, there’s no room for being a coward.
  23. Be careful with your anger. As a young person I wouldn’t dare to get angry and want to fight anyone, but now that I’m a dad I have to be careful not to risk myself in an altercation with an idiot out in public. I am now responsible for others and there’s no reward for calling out fools.
  24. Aggressive driving is childish and stupid. I don’t care if I’m late to anything, I refuse to risk my life or my car in an accident because I’m in a hurry. I dislike speeders, tailgaters, and aggressive or absentminded drivers. I’ve actually driven a car as hard as I could push it on a track and attempted some stunts, so I know what cars are capable of, especially the distance it takes to stop when you slam the brakes at 60mph. Most people haven’t done this and drive as if they’re invincible, it’s pure childishness. I’ve also done the same in winter weather and know how to drive on snow and ice. Screw those people who drive fast in bad winter weather, they are a hazard to everyone on the road.
  25. Women are as capable of evil as men. It needs to be said because people don’t seem to get this.
  26. You can now fully blame yourself for wherever you are in life. Your habits brought you there, nothing else.
  27. You should be standing up for yourself and your opinions by now. No one should be able to tell you what to do (other than criminal behavior, naturally) or sway your mind unless they make an incredibly good argument. People may say you are being stubborn, but they are only angry they can’t make you do what they want.
  28. Crying about it is actually a good thing. Trolls like to tell people to go cry about it if they are upset, and if you ignore the obvious misogynistic undertones, it’s pretty good advice. We need to let our emotions out, to feel uncomfortable. After a good cry you will feel much better, it’s a highly necessary survival mechanism.
  29. You can now appreciate beauty. I can look at beautiful women without lust. I can appreciate a good-looking house or town. I can admire a knoll or stream or wood. I can be contented by gardens and landscaping.
  30. Most things are gimmicks. When I worked at a car dealership we would occasionally have raffles. They were only to get sales leads, nothing more. The prizes went to the owner’s nieces or nephews or no one at all because how does a raffle contestant know who has won? If you ever participate in a raffle, only participate in live ones where the winners are right there and will be announced. When I worked for an HVAC company, they had a sales flyer that said people would get a $50 gift card if they booked an appointment. We were told to not mention the gift card, but to keep the gift card unless the customer explicitly asked for it. They were banking on people forgetting so they wouldn’t have to give away the cards.
  31. A lot of your health problems are psychosomatic. You should be studying this in depth by now.
  32. A lot of “great” authors were alcoholic, degenerate douchebags. They don’t deserve our respect and admiration.
  33. The music you listen to matters. I personally almost never listen to music because I don’t like how it gets stuck in my head. But I had a colleague at work who would listen to music and it was a bunch of potty-mouthed degenerates singing about how depressed and messed up they are. It was a whole genre and it was pathetic. I also noticed how this same colleague often had a negative outlook on life, whined a lot, complained about her job, and the cool things in her life revolved around drinking and being stupid.
  34. Alcohol will prevent you from getting deep sleep. Why are you still drinking it?
  35. Companies are trying to sell you pleasure or relief from pain (also pleasure). Don’t let them, which is why we have a meme of the middle-aged frugal guy, he knows he doesn’t need anything.
  36. You shouldn’t be able to have a long conversation with a young person without becoming completely bored, disgusted, or annoyed at their immaturity.
  37. While you can enjoy things you liked as a kid again, you realize good movies, good shows, good books, good games, are very very rare.
  38. Absolutely no one cares about you, don’t think for a second they care about you, ESPECIALLY corporations and government. This is why you have to lean more and more on yourself and become self-sufficient.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store



Some serious and some satire articles. Only I know the difference.