6 Reasons Why You Should Stop Wiping Your Bottom

Danielsradam
3 min readSep 9, 2022

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Our society has this weird habit that, upon further reflection, doesn’t make a lot of sense. We use a soft paper to smear our fecal matter over our butthole. We call it wiping, and we learned it as kids so we never knew to question it. Enter myself, the only person in the world who is going to tell you you need to stop wiping. Here’s six reasons why:

  1. 27,000 Trees are wiped out every day by Big Toilet Paper. That’s a lot of trees being flushed down toilets into septic tanks and sewer systems. If you really wanted to save the forests then you’d start by stop wiping.
  2. You’re just smearing poop on your skin. Think about it, if you got poop on your arm, would you wipe it with some toilet paper and call it a day? If you had poop on your finger, would you wipe your finger down with some paper and leave it at that? NO! You would wash your skin and scrub with soap until you could no longer smell the poo on yourself. Use a bidet and wash yourself then dry yourself with a towel.
  3. With proper diet and fiber you shouldn’t need to wipe anyway. Ever had a bowel movement where nothing appeared on the paper after you wiped? That’s how it should always be. If you need to wipe a lot to be clean then you aren’t getting the right balance of fiber in your diet and you need to correct that.
  4. Your anus is self-cleaning. Well, okay, not exactly, but it’s designed to keep poo away from the exit, and your body secretes liquids that keeps the rectum clean, just stick your finger up there to find out. It’s only when your poo comes out that it can make a mess, but that’s only on the skin surface, go ahead and WASH that area afterward. Wiping is nonsensical and presses your waste deeper into your skin, which could lead to infection.
  5. Use your finger. Or a smooth stone, or the 3 seashells. Many cultures without good plumbing systems do this. Once you clean yourself with your finger, give it a good wash until the smell is gone. Worried about poo on your finger? There’s poo on your butt you can’t even see that you don’t worry about, why worry about something you can easily see and smell and clean accordingly? There’s no guarantee we will always have working indoor plumbing.
  6. Wet wipes clog pipes. At least toilet paper breaks apart and disintegrates in a pipe, wet wipes and baby wipes don’t break apart and creates a huge rock-hard clog far down into the pipe system. It takes a city worker to remove it.

So there we have it, six reasons why you should stop wiping yourself with toilet paper. It’s a disgusting habit, and quite frankly uncivilized. What are you going to do the next time there is a toilet paper apocalypse? Start figuring it out now and develop alternatives. Bidets are inexpensive and cloths can be cleaned and sanitized over and over. Clean up your diet for a cleaner behind. Don’t keep supporting big toilet paper, they torture and kill trees for a profit.

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Danielsradam

Some serious and some satire articles. Only I know the difference.