Introducing: The Medieval Peasant Diet
Forget the paleo, low-carb, low-fat, mediterranean, whole30, south beach, carnivore, ketogenic diets. They’re all trash. None of them will prepare you for your future role as a landless peasant who has sworn an oath of fealty to Bezos, Musk, Zuckerberg or, most probably, some corporation like Black Rock or Amazon.
The first round of presidential debates is over, and we are in the final season of America. As such, it is time to usher in a new era of poverty and decline for the peasantry, who are still citizenry as of this writing, but we know that is bound to change.
That is why I am introducing you to the tried-and-true diet of the forlorn and impoverished. This diet sustained large populations for hundreds of years. It’s hearty and nutritious. Keep in mind how much physical work peasants had to do throughout the year. They burned a lot of calories and a 145-pound male standing at 5'10" only needs 2500 calories a day if he’s toiling every day.
Peasants had to make their bread at the communal oven, and while we’re not there yet, it’s still pretty cheap to bake bread in your own oven. I recommend Italian no knead bread.
One pot for porridge and pottage.
A lot of foods don’t have to be refrigerated either. Fresh farm eggs can last for weeks outside of a fridge. Find yourself a friend who has some chickens if you can’t raise them yourself. Salted meat is basically canned meat, which stores in your cupboard or wherever else you’re allowed private property. Beer doesn’t have to be refrigerated. Some hard cheeses don’t have to be kept refrigerated.
This is all good for when you can only turn the electricity on long enough to heat your oven or stovetop for a single-use session of cooking your food. The space your refrigerator would have been will store a wall bed for one of your many roommates, assuming you’ve earned your way into one of your company’s homes.
Here is a list of your essential foods:
Bread
Grains (Oats, Barley, or Rye: for porridges)
Vegetables (Cabbage, onion, garlic, carrots, potatoes and turnips)
Cheese (Parmesan or Romano)
Eggs (preferably collected farm fresh so the chicken bloom remains protecting the egg)
Fruits (whatever is in season)
Meats (canned)
Beans (Whatever you prefer)
And Finally… Beer! (cheap weak beer is fine, it’s for the calories and to avoid microplastics)
That’s it! What a simple diet!
Your two primary meals will be porridge and pottage.
Porridge is basically oatmeal, which I assume everyone is familiar with.
Pottage is a soup that is a mixture of all of your favorite veggies, the onions, garlic, carrots, turnips, you can add potatoes and beans and some of your preserved meat to this. Add some lard to this soup for extra nutrients and fat.
You may also want to start learning some of the ways of colonial Americans who would dry fruits and can vegetables. See what’s available from your local farmers markets if you have any near your 15-minute walking city or company town. Avoid processed stuff, avoid bugs, don’t eat and drink plastic and learn how to keep your blood alcohol at minimum levels even though your only potable drink is beer.
By the way, you can keep your wooden bowl and spoon disinfected by boiling them in water and then setting them out in the sun for a few hours if you lack any other means. And lacking means will be the new normal, so some steal any ideas you can about keeping your equipment in repair ahead of time before the internet becomes too expensive and exclusive.
The Medieval Peasant Diet. It’s what everyone’s going to be talking about. Enjoy your porridge!
