It Really Was Social Media

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One month ago I embarked on a new journey in life. I ended my relationship with social media. I identified it as the number one problem in my life. The reason? It stole my energy like a vampire. I would be so tired from browsing sites like reddit that I wouldn’t have any energy or motivation to do anything else.

It was insidious — diabolical, even — how my energy was stolen right out from under my nose. I had ideas and aspirations like the rest of humanity, and I could tell I wasn’t getting ahead in life, but I lacked the ability to execute. And if you can’t execute, you are dead in the water, a self-stopper.

By getting rid of social media, I started to tap into my natural motivation to do things. When you see people getting things done, like, real things, things like making web applications, programming software, providing courses on sites like udemy, or just driving around in their van taking care of peoples’ plumbing, you almost never picture these people sitting on their phone avoiding work.

You can’t benefit from working smarter without first working harder, or just working at all.

I recently watched an episode of Better Call Saul and I couldn’t help but notice how each of the characters gets things done and seem completely undistracted by the noise of pleasure. Sure, they didn’t have smartphones in the show, but one cannot picture them spending their time making comments and reading threads for hours, and then lay around all day, mentally exhausted.

That’s how people should be. Not exactly work-machines, but driven to get things done, because the more you begin to do, the more you realize there is to do, and the less time you have to do it. This goes for work and hobbies. On the one hand, I am spending a lot of time every day learning web development, and on the other hand I am also indulging in drawing and writing in my free time. I still read, watch TV, spend time with family, and lounge, but then I am ready to do something productive again.

There’s no hack or secret to being productive (again, the work smarter aspect only applies once you’ve already deep-dived into a project), and single-day motivation is worthless because anything worth doing takes many days. Instead, you have to slay the life-sucking vampires in your life. For me that was social media, for you it may be a toxic friend or partner, or your job, or Netflix, or your online-guild or group of gaming friends. Once you’ve rid yourself of the vampire, your natural child-like impulse to do comes back.

Dumping social media has been the only thing that has helped me to stay on track with daily productivity. For some reason, being productive daily with exercise, reading, walking/moving, and eating better hasn’t led to productivity in career skills. I think it’s because the items I just listed are more of a one-and-done-for-the-day type thing and not something I have to synthesize and build upon day after day. Another example would be how it’s much easier to write a quick blog post each day than it would be to write a novel, where every day you are adding, editing, and taking away from a longer project. It’s the same difference between explosive muscle and endurance muscle. I can clean my house in a day, but then I can let it get messy over a period of time until it absolutely must be cleaned again, as opposed to consistently keeping every surface clear and sanitized, all laundry kept up, all dishes cleaned and put away every night, and so on.

It really was social media. And so, now, for all of our dear Medium readers, I shall include a listicle of some of the changes I experienced since dropping the social meds.

1. I am no longer immediately bored with difficult work. When I tried to learn to code before, I would almost immediately start to feel bored and pull out my phone and load a mobile game or surf reddit and absorb (not even read, but absorb) memes. Predictably, this derailed my good intentions, sometimes for hours, depleting me of time to do the right thing.
2. Focus is better, and not only that, I can take interruptions in stride. Like I said with my first point, I would get bored quickly (and it had nothing to do with being such a smart-boy) and lose focus, even with stuff that I liked. For example, playing a video game that took a little more effort, such as an MMORPG, was work compared to playing a little Clash Royale. But now I can focus on the things that take some work and effort, not just on my computer, but in real-life, such as pulling out my Weber charcoal grill to make dinner, or getting a fire started to roast marshmallows, or assembling and disassembling a tent for outdoor camping, and so on. If I am interrupted, I get the thing that is interrupting me done, and then I can go back to my original thing. That sounds simple and natural, and it is, but when you are addicted to your phone, it becomes quite hard, like you are always at your limit and the only thing you can handle is your phone.
3. I am less bored in general. I used to get bored a lot if I wasn’t on my phone. It became so bad that the only thing I got any pleasure from was my phone. I started to struggle at work (where I can’t use my phone), wishing the day would speed up, or that I would get to my break so I could pull out the ole phone. Now I can get through the day without any trouble. I have successfully gotten rid of the need for my phone.
4. I am using my phone for useful tasks. Since I blocked social media on my phone, I am instead using it to read through my Kindle app, or I am reading the latest web development news, or taking pictures, texting (extremely rare), or googling something I wanted to look up. Basically, I use my phone like someone with self-discipline does. Fancy that.
5. I have more mental energy throughout the day. My wife says I seem more alive, like my eyes are more open, my face is brighter and happier, and I am more pleasant to be around. She has noticed a big difference in my demeanor, my patience, my renewed joy for life. I have more desire and time to interact with my coworkers and family, especially during family events, where I used to retreat into a corner with a book or my phone, now I can set all that aside and be fully engaged in the moment.
6. I am now thinking about my hobbies or coding while working. I used to spend time thinking, “ugh, I should be doing X right now,” or “when am I going to get around to doing X?” Now I think about what I’d like to draw, or write, or code. This is a big difference to me, because it shows that my natural childlike desires to do stuff is coming back. I think of these things as something fun to do, not some kind of work I’m trying to whip myself into doing.
7. I am not angry anymore. I used to get angry a lot. I didn’t yell or shout or get physical or mean when I got angry, I would withdraw. I was withdrawn a lot from life, because I was angry at something I saw on the internet. Or maybe someone didn’t understand the point I was trying to make and was arguing with me. I was too engaged with anonymous strangers that could have been high school kids trolling me for all I knew. It was addicting to be heard by others and get feedback. With Medium you don’t get that very often unless you are incredibly popular. I no longer have conversations with strangers on the internet, and it has illuminated an unknown need to not get aggravated, even in a tiny way, by forces beyond my control. Aggravation about Covid or politics is not worth the energy and motivation it steals from the rest of your day.
8. I am not overstimulated and suffering from an introverted hangover. An introverted hangover is when an introvert spends too much time around people and activities without getting alone time to recharge. It results in an intense feeling of being rundown, foggy, and drained. Social media was a source of constant intense emotional and intellectual stimulation, much like interacting with people. As a result, I think I was in a constant state of introverted hangover status. It 100% destroyed my desire to do anything good with myself, and when I did force myself to do good things, I wouldn’t enjoy the experience or appreciate it.

So, it really was social media making me this way. I knew something was wrong with me but also that it wasn’t depression, a mental illness, burnout, or my personality. If you think social media has been stealing your joy, get rid of it, seriously. I blocked my social media 36 days ago and I have no desire to go back. The urge to check on responses to whatever the last things I had posted were has left me. The feeling that I have somehow abandoned people has left me. You are no good to people if you are constantly rundown. So do yourself a favor and give it a try.