Review Of Hector And The Search For Happiness

Yesterday I watched a couple of Simon Pegg movies I hadn’t seen, and ‘Hector and the Search for Happiness’ is worth reflecting on and writing about. I felt the movie was very well executed in each of its facets, and its perception of China and Africa actually had me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend the movie. The only bone I have to pick is the stinky ending and I’ll explain why after I examine each of Hector’s points in his list when searching for happiness.

I would like to note also that Hector is defined by the urban dictionary as: A guy that’s really respectful of girls. He doesn’t like seeing people down or hurt and can make anyone laugh. He’s very trustworthy.

I didn’t know that, but I figured Hector was an unusual name for a main character, so I did some digging to see if it had any deeper meaning in the movie, and well, the definition exactly describes Simon Pegg’s character.

And now, for the copypasta of the list:

1. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness
2. Happiness often comes when least expected
3. Many people only see happiness in their future
4. Many people think happiness comes from having more power or more money
5. Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story
6. Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains
7. It’s a mistake to think that happiness is the goal
8. Happiness is being with the people you love; unhappiness is being separated from the people you love
9. Happiness is knowing that your family lacks for nothing
10. Happiness is doing a job you love
11. Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own
12. It’s harder to be happy in a country run by bad people
13. Happiness is feeling useful to others
14. Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are (People are kinder to a child who smiles)
15. Happiness comes when you feel truly alive
16. Happiness is knowing how to celebrate
17. Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love
18. Happiness is not attaching too much importance to what other people think
19. The sun and the sea make everybody happy
20. Happiness is a certain way of seeing things
21. Rivalry poisons happiness
22. Women care more than men about making others happy
23. Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy

I’ve bolded the parts of the list that I thought were the best and I will also discuss briefly an exchange in the film that I thought had a lot of truth-bombs.

Many people only see happiness in their future

This point Hector discovered gave me a “huh” moment. It’s a truth we don’t often allow ourselves to think about, but doesn’t our happiness usually hide in some potential future? When we finally get the job we want, or make the money we want, or find the person we want to be with, or get the body we want, or deal with the stress hanging over our heads; it’s all in the future.

Hope is a good thing, it keeps us going and prevents despair and crippling depression, but too much hope can spoil a life. This point also makes one reflect on past happiness. Sometimes we might not even be able to realize how much of a difference it made to be happy in moments here and there in our past. Does it help to live in the past, if we were happy there? Sometimes it feels like happiness is vain. It makes one question what is happiness doing for me now. Think of it like this, what if you had a very athletic body in the past, but now you are out of shape and suffering from injuries, what was the point of being athletic in the past if your experience now is one of physical misery, or if you only end up being physically miserable and your former athleticism could not prevent that from happening. Just like how past happiness is no guarantee of future happiness, therefore, what is the point of past happiness if it can’t guarantee future happiness.

These musings directly attach Hector’s point about future happiness to happiness should not be the goal. Personally, I don’t think one can be happy all the time, in its place there must be an enduring alignment of living well and being able to appreciate good things in the moment.

Many people think happiness comes from having more power or more money

It makes sense in its logic, if I have power and money I can get what I desire. But what I desire may not make me happy. For instance, I used to desire scrolling through social media and playing games for hours at a time, completely disconnected from the world. I had to block and delete those things from my life because they were draining me of all my energy and happiness. I have since become a lot happier without social media and smartphone games. There is a saying that if you want to destroy a man, give him money. It has happened to a lot of lottery winners (but not all).

Basically, if you suddenly possess the ability to have whatever you want, do you become happy as a result? Perhaps in the short term you do, but material possessions and power can be overwhelming, and one can easily develop an obsession about losing them. Some people are also broken down by the opposition and scrutiny they face once they become a bigger player on the scene. If you are going to be the alpha male, you’re going to have to get comfortable with conflict, since there will be others threatened by you or committed to overcoming you. A lot of big, scary guys have to deal with challenges from other guys, it simply comes with the territory. Defending oneself certainly can be a spoil to happiness; power and money create a necessity of being careful. Whatever happiness is brought about can only be temporary or dishes out in small quantities.

Happiness is not attaching too much importance to what other people think

Every adult eventually figures this out for themselves, but I thought it bears repeating. Eventually, we have to know that we are on our own. No one is going to live life for us, so to have them think for us is not going to bring us happiness. Note, that this is not when you read something (like this!) and it makes you think or change your mind, it is when you allow what others think of you to control your behavior. It is when a teenager cannot stand up to their parents, let’s say, when a parent strongly desires their kid to go to college and the kid doesn’t feel ready or doesn’t have any particular desire to go to college. Or, when someone refrains from expressing their feelings because they are too afraid of what the other person will think and that this will result in the other person leaving them if they say a word. One can come up with many other such examples, but at least we can know that you will be better off making up your own mind without giving as much weight to what another has to say, because people pleasing usually does not end in happiness for you.

Happiness is a certain way of seeing things

We always have the choice to see things how we want to see them. When I am hangry I find my child’s whining and defiance to be infuriating, but when I am fed and happy their antics don’t bother me, I can deal with them in a calm and almost merry manner. The great difficulty occurs when I physically feel miserable and try to force myself to look at something how I would look at it if I were happy. When I have been very sick I found it nearly impossible to feel happy and concluded happiness comes from health.

Therefore, I think what this point is getting at is this: we can’t always physically control how we feel, but knowledge can help us to correct our vision. If I recognize that my being hangry is causing my grim disposition, I suddenly relax a bit and can deal better with a situation, usually by informing anyone blocking me from eating that I have to eat. I also remind myself it’s okay to be angry when you’re hungry, it’s a part of biology, and although you can temper it, it’s also resolvable and preventable.

Okay, so now I want to talk a little about a fight Agnes had with Hector in the third act of the movie. Hector makes a little comment about reminiscing about what could have been between him and Agnes and Agnes goes off on him with a rant. I found this particular scene to be enlightening, and the film often challenges Hector’s perceptions, but anyway, what was so enlightening is it confirmed a conclusion I had years back when I was getting over an old flame of my own. Agnes basically tells Hector that his fantasy of whoever she is isn’t her and that she is more than his fantasy.

She cut straight through the bullshit, because Hector’s comment wasn’t just an innocent happy thought of an alternative life in an alternate universe, but it was a fantasy figurine of Agnes that Hector created and wouldn’t let go. Hector hadn’t fully moved on and still thought fondly of this fantasy. He couldn’t move on without getting rid of his fantasy, and Agnes does it for him. She tells him things between them ended and how she was happy with her life and how it turned out.

I had a similar conclusion to this scene a few years ago when I got upset about how emotionally attached I would still feel to a girl from years ago whenever I dreamt of her. I didn’t consciously think of her, but she kept coming up in my subconscious every now and then. I had to tell myself that whatever fantasy I had of her wasn’t actually her, that it was just my imagination, and the real person who was out there is nothing like my fantasy, in fact, I barely knew who the real her was, so my fantasy was hopelessly incorrect, nothing more than bullshit I had been pleasurably telling myself. The people we used to know are, well, they’re dead. At least the version of them we remember, because people change, they grow older, they live through experiences, and in some cases, like Agnes, they move on, create a family, fall in love with someone else, have children, are focused on their career, live far away from you, and are basically dead to you. We often cannot even fully imagine who we are and how we come across to other people, so how ridiculous is it to try and imagine someone else and how it would have been if they were still with us? It’s an exercise in futility, and when I realized that this girl was no more, I was able to put it to rest and haven’t dreamt about her since. That there is knowledge giving power.

Conclusion

Now for the stinky bit I thought ruined the movie. I thought the movie ended badly because Hector and Agnes, who were basically about to break up, ended up getting back together because Hector couldn’t imagine himself happy without her, that she brought him so much happiness. I nearly puked. What a load of nonsense. The whole movie explores happiness and then concludes happiness comes from a relationship? That’s codependency. Another person cannot fulfill your happiness, in fact, you are putting a lot of pressure on them, and Hector basically held Agnes’s heart ransom. How could she not feel immensely guilty after Hector confesses to her?

It was a toxic way to end the movie, because if you think you will find happiness in another person, then what happens if that person breaks up with you, or dies, or decides you don’t make them happy, or what if years go by and you still don’t feel happy? It was a silly, juvenile way to end the film, and very disappointing given some of the other scenes which contained power and truth.

I still recommend the movie, but disregard the pathetic final part.