The Power Of Relaxing
We live in an uptight culture. I feel uptight all the time. I’m constantly hard on myself for not doing more, for not being in more control of myself, both thoughts and actions. I keep saying how I should be doing this or that, things to make money, things to learn to. . . make money, or I’m monitoring my bodyfat too much and thinking about how I should look and be more developed because of some reason; health, I think.
I also get competitive and angry when playing a game, from chess to sports to video games. It’s because I possess a strong kindergarten-level of competitiveness, the desire to be as good as or better than others of a comparable nature. It’s silly and counterproductive because there is no competition. It’s one thing to be competitive when you are training for a chess tournament, or a league match, or some kind of event where you will be directly competing against others, but in the game of life, there are no direct competitors. Even if you are living better than others, it’s not a feeling of victory, because if it were, every day you would feel the sweet satisfaction of living better than most people in the world and in human history. So living well doesn’t solve competitiveness.
This begs the question: what can solve an uptight competitive nature? My answer: Relaxation. Being chill. Our modern internet culture refers to this as not giving a f*ck. I prefer to think of it using the words relax and chill. I had this revelation the other day at work, I’ll explain why.
Some quick background: I quit a lucrative sales job to take on a menial retail job where I walk 12 miles a day. A huge part of this was because I was gaining weight, taking on a lot of work-stress, and generally getting more miserable at life. After a few fights with the bosses at work over my walks during breaks (yes, they didn’t want me to go for walks because they thought I’d be gone too long and lose productivity; or that people would make that impression) I knew I needed to make a change. So change I did, leaving behind a toxic workplace in favor of a job where I can walk and regain my health.
That’s the background, and now I bring to you my revelation, which was during the beginning of my shift. Everything started out all right but then I started to have negative thoughts and feelings of not wanting to be there. I started to get mopey. I began to wonder why I couldn’t relax. Why was I so uptight? I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. Yeah, well, doing what you want to do doesn’t always pay your biggest bills and debts. If I had no student loan debt, I’d have been perfectly content, but alas, I need more income. Hence, learning to code, taking on side freelance projects, and growing my skills. I’m sure many millennials can relate. So I knew why I couldn’t relax, but I made up my mind that I was tired of being uptight.
Now, we’ve all heard, practically to death, about positive thinking. I don’t reject positive thinking, but I do want to supplement that with relaxed thinking. We think if we are relaxed we aren’t going to be doing anything, that we’ll nap and sit around and let important items slip past their due dates. But that’s a stereotype we have of relaxation. We think of the beach, cocktails, dinners out, feet up, laid back, reggae music in the background, and all the rest. Relaxation doesn’t have to mean zero productivity. You may not even realize that you are your most productive when you are relaxed, when there’s no pressure, and that’s what we’re ultimately aiming at: pressure release.
I started to tell myself that I wanted to be the chillest person ever. I wanted to be super relaxed, so that nothing bothered me. I already knew that self-talk was a powerful force that can change our state and I recruited it to help me get into the relaxed state I sought. I kept repeating to myself that I wanted to be relaxed, that I was super chill. Note that I didn’t say to myself: “just relax.” That wouldn’t have worked because it would have come from a place of uptightness. I soon began to feel relaxed with the tension leaving my body. My negative thoughts disappeared, and when they would pop back up I would quickly get rid of them with my self-talk. By the end of my shift it seemed as though my brain gave up on bringing up bad feelings.
Since that day at work I have learned that I need to keep the self-talk going throughout the day. It’s not enough to say you’ll be chill in the morning and then get uptight in the afternoon. It doesn’t work that way. Just like how when we worry about something all day it overwhelms us and takes control, like if you have an upcoming public speech and you can’t relax until it’s over. I also naturally got more done in the day when I was feeling relaxed. Think about the last time you were buzzed from alcohol (if you were ever). Remember how euphoric you felt? Probably nothing bothered you. You were most likely happy to just sit and look around. Everything was chill (even if you were becoming obnoxious to sober people around you) in your mind. By repeatedly trying to be relaxed, I attained some of the euphoric feelings I remember when I’ve had a buzz. And just like when I have that relaxed buzz feeling, I felt bolder and less held me back from getting things done that would normally cause a little anxiety.
Think about it for a second, relaxation causes confidence. Confident people are usually relaxed, not high-strung. When someone is in the zone they are fluid and relaxed, not rigid and tight. And if you are feeling confident and unafraid, you can do a lot more of what your past negative, uptight nature held you back from. That was the real lesson for me behind the power of relaxation: it removed the barriers my stressed-out self was building that prevented me from enjoying life. So far it has worked pretty well for me and I hope this post can help you.
