You were brought up in and accepted a religious community that takes adultery very seriously and now you want them to look the other way once you’ve committed a mortal sin? It’s not just Christianity either, many cultures and religions throughout history take adultery seriously. You are lucky to be living in the culture you are now, a quick wikipedia search reveals how this has been dealt with historically.

So, I don’t understand why Christians need to be accepting of this or change what they are already doing. Maybe I missed the part where you were repentant, but the other people you described showed repentance. If you are not repentant then why bother being a Christian anymore? Obviously your particular Christian community was ashamed, and Christians are bashed all the time for not living up to their ideals. Both Christianity AND Christians are shown condescension for when people don’t live up to the standards.

My point is, Christians aren’t the problem here. Adultery is a thing and it’s always been looked down upon. Religious groups can believe whatever moral truths they want and expect their members to adhere. If you don’t want to adhere, or adhering is too difficult, or failure to adhere means you are shunned, then it’s not the right thing for you, no matter what your past relationship was. What was the past relationship to you from your spouse? Did it make no difference when the adultery was committed? Why then does your past with members of your church matter any differently? Tons of people aren’t Christian and have had no problems. If you already repented and have shown a life of repentance and they still are weird around you you just keep living how you are living. Some people never forgive, some even begin to hate. That’s their problem. What you are seeing is the aftermath of adultery, when you are part of a larger tight-knit community, it is more devastating than had you had adultery and you weren’t apart of anything. Only then it’d be direct family. The church body is an extension of a family for some, depending on how small and close that body is. You probably shook many peoples’ faith, especially of how you described yourself prior to the act.

In my opinion churches ignore sin too much. If you’re going to center a religion around sin and its need for forgiveness, then why ignore it so much? Why tiptoe around it? Why do we never hear sermons about gluttony when the church body is mostly obese? Secularism is about not offending people for their choices, religion has to offend or there is no structure.